#no disrespect. I don’t mind Miley’s music and she is a human being so I respect her like every other human. Since she is the child star that has turned from a caterpillar to a butterfly (or maybe the other way around) more than any other child star I thought she should be the topic of this post. I’m just having some fun.
November 2014: Buys a white combie van and hires a driver name Shorty while wearing a wig with fake pig tails while shouting “handlebars, who wants a ride?!” But tones it down when she passes children and says “free candy” instead.
June 2015: Gains 36 KG and blames it on her ex fiancé Liam Hemsworth for repeatedly cooking her plates of Carbonara in attempts to win back her love, or so she says.
January 2016: Applies to a performing arts course in China but is rejected due to smuggling drugs in her undies. To avoid jail she claims she is transgender and has a penis.
February 2016: Jailed for several months for smuggling drugs in her undies.
June 2017: Releases a track called “Diet Coke” featuring Paris Hilton. She claims it has helped her on her road to weight loss. The track reached #272 in New Zealand.
November 2017: Gets a tattoo of a chocolate cupcake on her arm. Reason unknown. The tattoo ends up looking like a cup of dog poo.
August 2018: Gets really drunk at a house party and shaves off her hair while yelling “Britney spears eat your heart out” She is later seen crying in a wig shop with her father who now looks like Elvis Presley a few days before he died.
March 2019: She is spotted by a passing helicopter trying to climb the fence to reach the Hollywood sign but is caught by police. She is then fined $2000 for resisting arrest.
December 2019: Causes her father a mental break down.
March 2020: Suddenly announces she is engaged in a Youtube video but will not say to who.
April 2020: Admits she is not engaged and deletes the video which she was hoping would go viral after realising it only got 9736 views accompanied by 7968 thumbs down and numerous death threats in the comments.
December 2021: Releases an album called So Many Bitches, apparently it was dedicated to her younger sister for stealing a necklace from Tiffany’s because she didn’t want to spend any money on “that drunken toothy whore”
July 2022: Invents her own cocktail called The Miley. She describes the recipe as “a bit of vodka, a little bit of shaved cheese and ginger, and then a different kind of vodka” to critics and fans it is also known as a “disgusting piece of shit”
December 2022: Slaps Ellen Degeneres on her talk show and blames it on “exhaustion”
August 2023: Hires a personal assistant called Busy and fires her 72 days later in memory of Kim Kardashian.
September 2024: Buys a Mercedes and steals all the coins from the parking metre she crashed into and drove away. Later in court she claims she was distracted by a woman walking down the street wearing a bra and no top.
January 2025: Violently Assaulted a valet parking attendant for almost crashing her car. She hadn’t even given him the keys yet.
January 2025: Attempts to return to Disney as Hannah Montanna but is told she no longer has any desirable qualities and has tainted Disney for good.